he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
