Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
