So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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