I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
