i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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