im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize