How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
