never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
