i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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