Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
