So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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