I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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