I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
