dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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