i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize