i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
