I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
