I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
