the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
