i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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