Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
