foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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