i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
