i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
