I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
