The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
