She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
