I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
