i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i love accidental penises.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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