my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
