I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
