I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
