whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
