dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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