Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize