my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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