I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
