Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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