Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
