I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
