he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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