Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
