so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
