I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
