Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
