This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize