Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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