Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
