I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
