She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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