omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize