Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
