Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize