I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
