i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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