the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
