This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize