Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
