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i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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