I hope mine doesn't look like that
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
