just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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