3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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