I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
