i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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