my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
