If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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