i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
